“The word failure doesn’t exist in my vocabulary; so long as we learn a lesson to put to use in the future we are winners”

Shohreh Rostami

“Do not become a victim even when you feel like one, or be angry even when you feel the anger, or depressed, even when you feel the sadness…this is the path to ultimate state of empowerment.”

Do you like where we are headed as a society? In this global setting with news broadcasted live as events unfold, we have an opportunity to evaluate the social conditions not as a bystander, but as an active participant, even when we are not directly impacted by the events.  If you don’t like the path we are on, have you thought about how you can change the direction of our society?

Do you question why only 1% of people hold 80% of the wealth and power? The fact is that most of the 1% was not born to wealth; they made it on their own. What makes them different? I propose that they learned early on how to focus and make good decisions. You may ask what the basic requirements for making good decisions are. Well, let’s first define what a “good decision” maybe.  I would define a “good decision” to be one that would produce the consequence that we are willing to bare in short or long term. The basic elements required for making good decision are: ability to tame ego, manage emotions, take mistakes as learning opportunities instead of failure, set goals that we intend to achieve, and focus. Those that change the course of their lives, or better said, those that write their own destiny share these basic skills.

Untamed ego and reacting to emotionally charged experiences tend to distract us from what matters most, therefore, would lead us to making rash decisions that may cost us time, money, relationships, and success. Not setting goals and lacking conviction to achieve them is distractive as well and would make us jump from one idea to another frequently, therefore, none of the ideas will have time to come to fruition and we are left disappointed, discouraged, and face loss of confidence as we don’t reap the rewards of our efforts due to fragmentation.

Consider that we can change the social conditions and move away from   violence, crime, poverty, and psychotic breakdown that cause people to go off the deep end. Then the question is what are we willing to give up to change the path? Are we as a society teaching our young ones how to make decisions, how to live a fulfilled life and be a healthy, productive individual?  Our children today are the leaders tomorrow, leaders in their own lives, communities, organizations, and the society as a whole. In short, are we dealing with so many disturbing events that are senseless because as a society we have lost site that we all are responsible for tomorrow’s leaders?

Most of us have an opportunity to touch other’s lives as we engage with them as friends, colleagues, or employees. Do we take the time to think how we can be a leader in any given relationship? Provoke thoughts, help individuals grow? My last question is as you individually go through this journey we call life so you have the intention to grow your inner being?

The most gratifying experience for me and those around me has been when we have had an experience that we clearly identify to be a growth opportunity. But in order to do so we must be present each and every moment, be willing to be active participant, and allow ourselves to fully internalize the experience and learn a lesson, instead of letting the emotions attached to the experience to shape us.

Shohreh

I had an opportunity to attend what was to be a “graduation” after a weekend self-improvement workshop that turned out to be a recruitment session. Basically, all workshop attendees were to bring family and friends so we can listen to an infomercial and sign up for the next workshop.

Let me first say, I think it is great that people have outlets such as this to learn how to overcome challenges, improve self confidence, and gain the tools to “live an extraordinary life” as this group advertises. Additionally, I admit that the message I heard was not disturbing in anyway. However, it was misleading.

The facilitator or leader referenced past experiences being the decision making engine several times as the reason people cannot move forward and accomplish their goals. He talked about being in the “now” and let the past go.
Well, I have a fundamental issue with this message as stated. We  are a completion of our past experiences and if we have done a good job of learning from our experiences then we would be in the best place we can be in the “now”. It is true that we must live in the “here and now”, this moment is all we have. The main purpose to live in the here and now is to be aware of what is taking place around us or within us. Therefore, we have the opportunity to learn from the experience. If we are not aware, the moment will  pass with  some diluted set of emotions that we don’t know what they mean. These emotions often charge our actions or lack of action. Since our actions this moment are based on what we had experienced in the past, our lack of awareness will lead us to a life of “why are things happening to me this way?”.
It is the awareness that is important. Not only being aware of external events, but more importantly how the external events make us feel. This awareness leads to learning and choosing how we may respond. The question is “who we choose to be”, then   the tool is how we choose to respond to others and events to keep true to who we want to be.

This is what Free Will is all about. With that, we carry the responsibility of our choices.  If you don’t know yet, let me tell you that we don’t control anyone else but ourselves. Take this from a “Type A” person that I am. Those of you that are parents, news flash, you don’t control your kids, or those of you that have staff working for you…you don’t control your staff either. The only person you can control is you. Therefore, a true self-awareness gives us the tools and courage to control our actions, thoughts, and therefore, the possibility that others can see us as we intend to be.

The message that I found to be a misconception at this workshop was that  we need to let the past go  . we don’t let the past go, as we are nothing without our past; we let the now to come and use our past experiences to insure that we are relating to the now not from the past experiences perspective, but from all that we have learned that bring us to the now.

Future has not come yet, so I focus on today to be prepared for future. All that matters now is that I am here and experience life as it is to be today.

Shohreh Rostami

As I received the news that a good friend was recently diagnosed with Cancer I have been reflecting on my experience with beautiful people I have known, and it dawned on me that they all have known setback, suffering, struggle and loss and have found their way out of the depths of hopelessness, and risen above it all to taste the sweet victory. They gain an appreciation, sensitivity and understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep love for life and others. Then I realized that beautiful people don’t just happen, they evolve. You are a compilation of your experiences and as long as you stay positive and present in the moment to learn from the experience, you will gain more strength and be triumphant. Be determined and not allow any negativity to cloud your mind. And remember that you have to battle some bad days to earn the best days of your life. Be courageous, but having courage is not always the ‘yeah I did it’; sometimes courage is the quiet whisper at the end of the day saying ‘’I will try again tomorrow’. Courage is not you always holding yourself together, but sometimes it’s the gentle openness to lean on someone else. Courage is the ability to realize that you can do what you can control. And at the end of it all having the ability to truly internalize the experience and look in the face of the fear saying ‘I am not afraid’.

Let’s go back to basics, as with any challenge, first understand it with a clear mind, no guilt, and no fear. Guilt and fear are the most destructive emotions that drain your energy. I know, you say easier said than done. Meditate; center your mind, body and spirit. Meditation is the key in slowing down the body and mind to allow you to get rid of the distractions, so make meditation a part of your daily routine. Then have a plan that you can commit to and no matter how difficult, keep your commitment. If there is a setback, don’t deny it, deal with the emotions, lean on your loved ones and let them carry you for the moment, then snap out of it and say to yourself, ‘I’ll try again tomorrow’.

Emotions are the strongest distraction for us, and it is ingrained in our existence, most of the time we don’t realize how we allow it to deprive us of all, much better outcomes we can experience. . Even though you have to recognize, realize, and deal with emotions, but don’t allow emotions to drown you. Remembering not to become a victim even when you feel like one, or be angry even when you feel the anger, or depressed, even when you feel the sadness. This is the trickiest part of this journey. And yes this is a part of your journey and that is all.

Shohreh Rostami